I'm never going to update this page again, but I may continue at

MYSPACE

or

MY_PAGE

For a late birthday present, my grandma gave me a coin from my great-grandfather.  The coin comes from the Carson City Mint which only produced coins from 1870-1893. 

This particular coin I have is worth three to five thousand dollars.  I'm not going to try to auction it off or anything, I'll just look at it I guess.

I'm getting pretty close to getting my webpage up.  For now I have my forbidden zone comics up...

the comics aren't actually called FORBIDDEN ZONE, I just have the page password protected so that people who might actually pay me to build them a webpage won't see what I giggle about in my spare time.

Since you are my pal, I'll give you a free username and password to the forbidden zone, so that you may actually experience art for yourself:

Username: Fart

Password: Face

There still isn’t anything on my homepage except for the working links, and I’m working on the video section, adding again all of the videos I had up before.  I’m thinking about shooting some scenes from Silence of the Lambs with Calvin, but would I have to password protect that too?

My Atomic Terrace comic strips aren’t going to go up any time soon…I have lots of them sketched out but I have yet to scan them in and trace them in Illustrator.

Then I have to put some photographs up, and my portfolio.

Well goddamn.

I was just thinking about how much I hate spending the holidays with family and was looking at house/cabin rentals and came across this: CLICK HERE!

Scroll down to the middle of the page to find "This also features PRIVATE: SUNDECK, FIVE TO SIX PERSON HOT TUB, POOL TABLE, CORN HOLE, large gas grill, front porch, three TVs with cable and DVD/VCR, as well as a first floor laundry room!"

Corn hole? 

Ever since Renny Harlin farted out Exorcist: The Beginning, where the final exorcism reminded me of Emperor Palpatine floating through the trenches of the Death Star with the lightning things shooting out of his fingers, I’ve been a bit curious about Paul Schrader’s version, Dominion.  If you don’t know, Paul Schrader was hired to direct the Exorcist prequel after John Frankenheimer died.  He completed the film and presented it to Warner Brothers who fired Schrader on the spot for not making the “gore-fest” the movie’s backers wanted to see.  Warner Brothers then hired Renny “Deep Blue Sea” Harlin to re-shoot something like 90% of the movie.  Just FYI, Deep Blue Sea made something like thirty million dollars more at the box office than Exorcist: The Beginning.

After Exorcist: The Beginning failed, Warner Brothers let Schrader take his “psychological-thriller” to film festivals, and even let him release it at small independent movie theaters.  For what it’s worth, Paul Schrader’s Exorcist prequel has a stunning 19 triumph over Renny Harlin’s Exorcist prequel on Rotten Tomato’s Tomato Meter…

Anyhow, Roger Ebert actually gave Schrader’s version a good review:

“The movie is drenched in atmosphere and dread, as we'd expect from Schrader, but it also has spiritual weight and texture, boldly confronting the possibility that Satan may be active in the world.”

So I thought at best I would Netflix this bitch.

Dominion: The Prequel to the Exorcist arrived yesterday afternoon, and I even put off buying Gun for PS2 to watch it.  To be blunt, not only is Schrader’s Exorcist not a gore-fest, it’s just boring as hell and there is no payoff whatsoever.  The final exorcism actually consists of Father Merrin chasing Lucifer around a church with puke on his face.  Finally Lucifer gets tired and sits by a rock and makes snake noises, then there’s a bright flash of light, and everything is better.  It was sort of like watching Benny Hill.

To be fair, I enjoyed the first ten minutes of Schrader’s Exorcist so much that I decided to watch them again with the director’s commentary on.  The first ten minutes are a flashback to WWII Holland, where Father Merrin looses his faith.  I won’t go into what happened, but I’ll just say that deciding to see what Schrader had to say about the scene was a big mistake…why?  Because he doesn’t even talk about it, he talks about the filming location, and then he basically ruins the story for you.  I imagine that there are a lot of people who actually turned on the commentary first to see if Paul Schrader has anything to say about being fired from the project, but instead of giving them that he just ruins the movie.  Nice.

I’ve finally finished the layout of my website, doing away with all of the flash animations, and making more space for content and stuff.  I also added php password protection to my forbidden zone comic’s page…

Are you actually going to want to read what’s in the forbidden zone?  Probably not, they’re just crappy comics that I do on the train that I don’t particularly want people who might hire me to build them a site to see.  Because of the swear words, and the spearing baby thing.

Anyways expect to see some stuff there soon.

So let me take this time to welcome my new upstairs neighbor Elissa Earman to our orange apartment complex, beating out Courtney Love and Evan Dando for the swank apartment right above our apartment, where Angie and I make stew every night.  Love stew.

Yeah, gross.

Dear Livejournal,

Today I was wicked cranky.

I didn’t even feel like making grits for breakfast, I just read the paper and ate Honeycomb, and when I was finished I vacuumed the entire apartment.  Not only that, I basically vacuumed the entire first floor of the building sans the insides of the other apartments.  After that I remembered Angie had asked me to make Super Chili for dinner, so I got started on that.  Somewhere along the line of me cooking Super Chili, Calvin opened up Angie’s purse and ate her chap stick so Angie yelled at me about it and was like “my sister is coming over today.”

And then I yelled at Angie about the twelve plates in the sink.

And then I was like “I’m taking a shower, and then I’m going to go to the store and buy two jalapenos, a green pepper, and some Guinness for the Super Chili.”

So I get back and Angie and her sister are starting to watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.  I’m thinking they want me to cook them dinner and then watch a teenage girl’s feel good movie?  And look, there’s Danny Boyle’s Millions sitting on the table, why couldn’t we watch that?  Why in God’s name would I cook two girls dinner and then want to watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants with them?  I’m no girl!

Fuck that, I took my boy to the park and he went down this huge slide all by himself.

Paul

My watch is officially broken, it’s been broken for about a week but it’s been showing signs of life every now and then.

Let me tell you a story.  My son Calvin has an arm.  I mean of course he has an actual arm, I’m talking about an arm as in he can throw a ball like a pro.  Many people have commented that for a three year old he has uncanny accuracy and velocity, and I know it’s true because about a week ago Calvin threw my watch at the wall and broke it.  As far as watches go, I just can’t seem to hang on to a watch for more than a year or so.  It all started when I was drinking…a lot.  This was like four years ago and I was getting out of my truck and sort of just tumbled out of the door.  At this particular time I was wearing a pocket watch which swung out of my pocket like a pendulum and crashed into the concrete, exploding into a thousand pieces of metal and glass.

I did in fact own a watch between this pocket watch and the watch Angie bought me for our wedding, but I have no recollection of it except that I know it was broken.  But for our wedding, Angie bought me this awesome watch that had a laser pointer on it and a compass.  It may be my favorite watch ever and what makes it worse is that this watch was never broken, I just lost it.  Not only that, I know exactly where and when I lost it.

I was getting out of my car, late for the train and accidentally closed the door on my head.  Thinking about that now, I have no idea how that actually happened but I know it did.  I did catch the train and noticed that some of the commuters were looking strangely at me, and when I got to school I realized that I had a pretty large gash in my head, and then I realized that my watch wasn’t in my pocket.  

I started to retrace my steps and realized that before I hit my head with the door I heard something metal hit the ground, and well you know the rest.  I thought of putting up a sign that read “really awesome watch with laser found in parking lot yesterday, can I have it back please?” but then realized that nobody was going to give back a watch with a laser.

This last watch died a slow death.  

After bouncing off of the wall, my watch was stopped at something around 8am.  I still wore my watch for a few days, showing off what time my boy brought it to its demise, but then I noticed it was working again.  Maybe the battery was just shaken loose?

Then my watch started to count seconds backwards, but not all of the time, which was weird.  Eventually it just died.

Today I saw a watch at Target that has a television set built right into it.

I probably won't get it, but whatever.

I’m a but behind in my homework, but tonight instead of catching up with my studies I decided what I really needed to do was get ahead in slaying colossi in Shadow of the Colossus.  There are a total of sixteen colossi to slay and as of this second I’ve only exterminated five.  I decided to take an hour off and see what was going on with the interweb-

Nothing really new to report. 

So I have until November 8^th to defeat the remaining colossi, so I can trade in Shadow of the Colossus for Neversoft’s Gun.  I have high hopes for Gun, which is being billed as sort of like GTA in the West…but I’ve been burned before, I’m looking at YOU Red Dead Revolver.  Sure Red Dead wasn’t so bad, but it wasn’t so good either.  I liked the Voodoo boss from New Orleans with the midget clown henchmen, and I really liked the graveyard battle with the guy who carried a gatling gun in a casket, but overall the openness of the game was pretty pointless.  It was like instead of just starting the next mission, you had to walk around these two blocks of buildings and walk into the sheriff’s office.  There were even people that you could have pointless conversations with.

Anyways, Gun looks a lot better, and look, SCALPING:

That’s right, how can a game be bad when you get to scalp people just like my favorite fur trapper Liver-Eating Johnson?  

One story is that Johnson was ambushed by a group of Blackfoot warriors in the dead of winter on a foray to visit his Flathead kin, a trip that would have been over five hundred miles. The Blackfoot plan was to sell him to the Crow his mortal enemies for a handsome price. He was stripped to the waist, tied with leather thongs and put in a teepee with an inexperienced guard outside. Johnson managed to chew through the straps, then knocked out his young guard with one crippling jab between the eyes, took his knife and scalped him, then quickly cut off one of his legs at the hip. Allegedly using the leg as a blunt weapon, he made his escape into the woods, and survived on the Blackfoot's leg until he reached the cabin of Del Gue his trapping partner, more dead than alive, a journey of about two hundred miles.

I’m just going to say that I was “promoted” to concierge this week, on my birthday in fact.  

It’s a move that will definitely leave me less sweaty.  I’m not going to lie, I sweat a lot.  The way I figure it this is a good move for me because who knows how fast I can get a job in web design that is a steady job…

This way I’ll have something swell to fall back on and I can always do freelance web design to make extra cash, which seems to be what I’m going to do, that is if you asked me right now, that’s what I would tell you.

I was even thinking that I can make a MySQL database of concierge information that I could throw in my portfolio.

Also if we do decide to move to Bostonish or something, I could easily transfer over to the Onyx or Marlowe, every time I’ve looked at their openings they have an opening for a concierge, and heck we hired some airhead from Portland to be our concierge in Chicago.  I could transfer there and do freelance work just like in Chicago.

Anyhow my birthday was this week and here is a list of my booty:

• Shadow of the Colossus PS2
• Batman Begins on DVD
• Land of the Dead Director’s Cut on DVD
• Pre-ordered GTA: Liberty City Stories on PSP

In other news I was just looking at Yahoo’s Buzz Log and Rachel Ray is the most searched chef (followed by Elizabethtown’s Paula Deen).  I clicked on Rachel’s name and one of the related searches that popped up was “Rachel Ray Sucks”.  There’s even a Rachel Ray Sucks community on Livejournal.  It is a well known fact that Rachel Ray has a nice big ass, don’t take my word for it, here’s a quote from Unclclopedia.com:

“Rachael Ray (1968 - ????) has an absolutely fantastic ass. I mean, have you ever seen it? Holy crap. She could give Jennifer Lopez a run for her money, and Rachael Ray isn't a stuck-up bitch, either. Dude, seriously, her ass is amazing. Wow. Wowie wow wow wow.”

Or this quote from Whitefatboy.com:

Let me say this, the first time I happened to “hear” Rachel Ray cooking I want to throw the television through the wall.  I think Angie was watching 30 Minute Meals and Rachel was actually cooking hotdogs in BUTTER, can you believe that?  I mean hotdogs are delicious enough as it, but they you go fry them in butter?  Not only that, she whipped op some homemade chili, threw the hotdogs on a baking sheet, topped them with cheddar, and baked them.  Who was this woman with the buttered hotdogs, who’s laugh makes your ears spray blood but soon becomes like the mating call of the Metaphrynella sundana?